7 Signs Your Spouse’s Affair is Truly Over
Surviving an affair may seem impossible, especially when you aren’t sure the affair is really over. These seven signs will help you recognize whether there truly is a change in behavior that shows that the affair is over. Affairs don’t necessarily end at the first disclosure or discovery. There is often a time period where the spouse says it is over but continues the affair. During this time, the wayward spouse is typically defensive and withdrawn and unwilling to disclose details or make changes. True repentance involves a willingness to be honest and accountable and experience the pain associated with confession similar to what David experienced in Psalm 32.
These are the seven signs that your wayward spouse is really done:
- Change in attitude toward you and the family. There will be a turn toward you, the marriage, and the family, similar to the turn away from the family that was experienced during the affair. You will see a desire to reunite and reconnect and work on the marriage to figure out what caused the affair and make the relationship better.
- Deep concern about how much you have been hurt by the affair. If your spouse realizes what he/she has done to you, it will be reflected in an acknowledgment of your pain without blaming you for it. The ability to listen to your hurt and empathize means that your spouse is willing to take responsibility.
- Willingness to disclose the whole truth about the affair. Affairs are typically discovered by the betrayed spouse, and the wayward spouse only admits to what is discovered. When a spouse is seeking to heal, there will be a willingness to tell the truth, although there will a fear of the repercussions and of causing hurt to the spouse.
- Willingness to do whatever it takes to regain your trust. Affairs occur amidst lies and secrets. The betrayed spouse shouldn’t blindly trust, but should verify that the spouse is really done. The spouse should be willing to explain where he/she is, show emails and cell phone calls, and explain any situations that arise that cause insecurity, without being angry and resentful.
- Breaking off the relationship. The affair needs to end, and if it isn’t ended, the spouse isn’t really done.
- Willingness to make adjustments not to be around the person even if it means making some major changes. When a spouse isn’t serious about ending the affair, he/she will be unwilling to make the concessions required to end it. This may involve firing an employee, quitting a job, changing memberships, or other things not to cross paths with the person. When he/she isn’t serious, they will refuse to make adjustments and will be angry toward the spouse who is asking for them.
- Grieving over the loss of the affair. It might be hard to understand why this shows that the affair is over, but what it means is that your spouse is coming to terms with the end of the illicit relationship. There was something about the relationship that drew him/her to it, and knowing it is truly ending triggers loss and grief, especially if there was an emotional component.
The first step in surviving an affair is knowing whether the affair is truly over so that you can begin to heal and restore your marriage. These seven signs will help you make that determination from observing the changes in your spouse’s behavior.
