Answer these questions to find out:

1. Does this person use anger, control, or manipulation to get you to do what he/she wants you to do?

2. Does this person use his/her authority or power to intimidate and pressure you?

3. Does this person punish you verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually, or financially when you do not do what he/she wants?

4. Is this person frequently angry and hostile toward you?

5. Does the relationship have a predictable or unpredictable cycle of good and bad times?

6. Are you often surprised and thrown off balance by this person’s response/reaction toward you?

7. Are you frequently confused about the relationship and wonder if you are crazy, because this person tells you your perceptions and feelings are wrong?

8. Does this person tell you everything is your fault and that you cause him/her to treat you the way he/she does?

9.Does this person dismiss your feelings and concerns when you tell him/her that you are hurt and upset by how he/she treats you?

10. Is the relationship extremely painful for you?

11. Do you spend a lot of time trying to figure out what is wrong in the relationship?

12. Do you “walk on eggshells” because you are afraid of this person’s reaction to you?

13. Do you feel like you have lost your “self” in this relationship?

14. Does the relationship feel like a struggle for control and power over you rather than a mutual partnership?

15. Does this person physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually or spiritually abuse you? (If you aren’t sure, see the descriptions of the types of abuse below.)

 
If you answered YES to two or more questions, you are in an abusive relationship.

Mildly Abusive 2-5

Moderately Abusive 5-10

Extremely Abusive 10-15

(Note: Even mild abuse is NOT okay!)

What type of abuse are you dealing with?

Does this person physically hurt you by hitting you, pushing you, using a weapon to threaten you, threatening future violence, holding up a fist as if he/she might hit you, destroying your personal possessions or property, throwing objects, physically restraining you, or locking you in a room? THIS IS PHYSICAL ABUSE.

Does this person use any of the following tactics toward you: humiliation, teasing that is hurtful, ridicule, put-downs, name-calling, insults, denial of what really happened, discounting your feelings and perceptions, manipulation, mind-games, anger/hostility, withholding, silent treatments, blame, lying, criticizing, undermining, threatening, minimizing, and ordering? THIS IS VERBAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

Does this person use the Bible to make you feel guilty or threaten you that God will punish you, if you do not do what he/she wants? THIS IS SPIRITUAL ABUSE.

Does this person force or pressure you to have sex or engage in sexual acts you are uncomfortable with, criticize you sexually, use sex as a bargaining tool, ridicule your masculinity or femininity, show extreme jealousy, accuse you of being unfaithful, or physically attack sexual parts of your body? THIS IS SEXUAL ABUSE.