Did you know that there are overt and covert narcissists? Most of what you hear about narcissists describes overt narcissism.

Both types of narcissists are self-focused and want to be the center of attention. The covert ones do it in a less-obvious way. Instead of commanding the focus of everyone in the room by praising themselves, they will say things about themselves designed to elicit the praise of others.

Both types are sensitive to criticism. The overt narcissists will rage at you outwardly when you question them; the covert narcissists will make light of your comments to minimize and discount you.

Both have grandiose fantasies of success. The overt types will boast of their abilities, but the fantasies of the coverts are kept more private. Both need others to build them up, but the coverts may appear shy and humble, even putting themselves down to prompt others to say good things about them.

The main difference is that coverts are passive aggressive rather than aggressive like the overt narcs who cut you out of their lives or punish you openly. The passive aggression takes the form of undermining, putdowns, withholding cooperation, sarcastic comments, procrastination when you want things done, sabotage, teasing, mocking, and subtle blame-shifting. The aggression comes from long-held grudges and envy of others’ achievements.

Both believe they are entitled to what they want. The overt narcs will demand special treatment and protest loudly when they don’t get it. The covert narcs will manipulate subtly to get what they want.

Covert narcissists are introverted compared to the extroversion of the overt narc. They will avoid social situations that don’t benefit them and those that may expose their weaknesses.

Covert narcissists show a self-serving empathy shrouded in compassion and concern for people they can help. Their help is self-centered, since its purpose is to make them look good to others and earn their praise.

Both types of narcissists are extremely difficult to live with and impossible to have a healthy relationship with.

By Karla Downing
 

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,
 
Help me to recognize the traits of the difficult people in my life so I know what I am dealing with and can prepare myself to handle the problems effectively, as well as protect myself from the characteristics that harm me.
 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Did you learn anything about narcissism, covert or overt, that leads you to wonder if someone in your life displays either one?
• If so, get more information so you can further explore the possibility and educate yourself.

Scripture Meditation

 
Psalm 64:1–4

“Hear me, my God, as I voice my complaint; protect my life from the threat of the enemy. Hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked, from the plots of evildoers. They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim cruel words like deadly arrows. They shoot from ambush at the innocent; they shoot suddenly, without fear” (NIV).

John 2:24–25

“But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. He did not need any testimony about mankind, for he knew what was in each person” (NIV).