“‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks ’” is a line from the play Hamlet by William Shakespeare. I am sure this is a familiar quote to you. It’s said when someone responds strongly to an accusation. When this happens, we often take it as a likely indication of guilt. When someone isn’t guilty, they aren’t as bothered by an untrue accusation because they don’t have as much to prove.

Here are some things people do when trying to cover up a guilty conscience:

• Become indignant and outraged that you would dare say that.
• Offer an elaborate defense to prove their innocence.
• Blame you for doing the same thing.
• Blame you or someone else for their choice.
• Lead you on a rabbit trail to switch the subject.
• Threaten you for believing this about them so you are afraid to maintain your complaint.
• Use manipulations and gaslighting to make you doubt yourself and withdraw your accusation.

 
In contrast, here are some of the things people do when their conscience is clear:

• Say nothing or hardly anything at all.
• Remain calm.
• Accept that you can say and believe anything you choose.

 
Sometimes, extremely calculating people will figure this out and will pretend to be unconcerned about your complaints and concerns so you need to keep in mind who you are dealing with.

Knowing that the protest likely communicates guilt will help you make wiser choices. Instead of continuing a fruitless conversation, trying to convince the person you are right or get the person to understand your concerns, you can respond in short, direct statements designed to end the conversation or simply to restate your concerns. You may also choose to speak the truth in love or set a boundary based on what you know to be true. You do not need the person’s confession in order to hold onto your belief.

Keep this in mind also when responding to a baseless accusation. If you respond in a highly reactive way, you are indicating guilt and/or concern that the person thinks this. Someone who is mean, abusive, narcissistic, manipulative, or addicted will take note of this and remember it as a way to get to you and exploit you for their selfish ends.
 

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to be wise in interpreting other people’s actions when I tell them a concern about their behavior.
 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Review the ways people respond when they are guilty and the ways they respond when they are innocent.
• Think of a difficult person in your life. Which of those things does that person do when they’re guilty? Which do they do when they’re innocent? If you aren’t sure, make a note to watch the next time you bring up a concern.
• Which way do you respond when someone accuses you of something that is true? How do you respond when it’s not true?

Scripture Meditation

 
Ecclesiastes 7:7
Extortion turns a wise person into a fool, and a bribe corrupts the heart (NIV).

Proverbs 21:8
The way of the guilty is devious, but the conduct of the innocent is upright (NIV).

Proverbs 17:15
Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent—the Lord detests them both (NIV).

Proverbs 28:17
Anyone tormented by the guilt of murder will seek refuge in the grave; let no one hold them back (NIV).