My ministry is to Christians in difficult relationships, one of which is friends. I assume people know they can apply everything I teach to their friendships, but it doesn’t hurt to discuss them specifically.

Healthy friendships have mutual interests, care, support, give and take, initiation, and enjoyment. Some friendships have an imbalance, but as long as it’s out of choice and doesn’t hurt you or the other person, you can continue in it.

Toxic friendships lack one or more of those, and instead of bringing good into your life, they bring harm. Toxic friends include the following types of people:

• People who try to control you by telling you what to do and getting angry or hurt when you don’t comply. This also includes people who continually bombard you with unsolicited advice and refuse to accept your ability to make decisions for yourself.
• People who manipulate to get what they want. They use threats, victimization, promises, gifts, intimidation, and projection to get their way. If you allow it, you’ll give in to the pressure out of fear, guilt, or naivete.
• People who are self-centered. It’s all about them and their needs, wants, interests, and problems. Yours don’t matter. If you try to bring them up, they will be ignored.
• People you no longer enjoy being with. When you bring them around your other friends, the toxic person may cause you to lose those friends.
• People who are malicious and share confidential information outside your friendship. They also say things about you behind your back to harm you.
• People who criticize you, attack you, and put you down, and then blame you for all the relationship problems. After a while, you begin to doubt yourself and also notice your overall self-esteem has suffered.

 
Here is the bottom line that applies to any friend: you do not have to maintain a friendship with anyone, especially toxic people. Friendships are entirely voluntary. You have no ties to them as you do with family or in your marriage. You have only so much time and energy, and you get to choose how to use them. You deserve friends who bring good things into your life.

The exception would be someone you’ve specifically decided to befriend to help or witness to. If you do this, you have to be honest with yourself about why you are doing it and the harm that’s occurring.

To end a toxic friendship, you can be honest with the person, or you can just not initiate time with the person while declining invitations. The way you choose will depend on who the person is and how easily you can walk away and not have the person in your life.

You can end toxic friendships. You do not have to continue to allow them to harm you.

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me recognize and let go of toxic friendships so I can learn how to care for myself in relationships by choosing people who treat me well.
 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Think of your friendships.
• Which ones are balanced?
• Which ones are imbalanced?
• Which ones are toxic?

Scripture Meditation

 
Psalm 41:9–12 (NIV)

Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me. But may you have mercy on me, LORD; raise me up, that I may repay them. I know that you are pleased with me, for my enemy does not triumph over me. Because of my integrity you uphold me and set me in your presence forever.

Proverbs 12:26 (NIV)

The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Proverbs 27:9 (NIV)

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.