Another dysfunctional dynamic is the crazymaker. The definition of a crazymaker is someone who can make you feel crazy.Are you wondering how not to let a crazymaker make you crazy? The definition of a crazymaker is someone who can make you feel crazy. Even though you are usually reasonable, sane, and stable, around this person, you feel unreasonable, insane, and unstable.

Here is what crazymakers can make you do:

• Feel confused and uncertain.
• Second guess yourself.
• Back down from your boundaries.
• Give up getting your needs met.
• Feel responsible for their actions.
• Do things you normally wouldn’t do.

When you feel “crazy,” you doubt yourself. You believe the person’s opinion and words over yours. You allow the person to violate your boundaries. You find yourself losing it and reacting. You believe promising words instead of the conflicting actions. You say “yes” when you want to say “no.” You come away from an encounter feeling confused, bad about yourself, upset, manipulated, and thrown off balance. You don’t feel in control of your thoughts, emotions, or actions. And, you are unable to sort it all out no matter how much you try.

Technically, no one can “make” you feel any particular way. So the person’s actions don’t have to make you feel crazy, but they will if you don’t know what you are dealing with because that is what they are designed to do. Crazymakers don’t want you to question them, focus on their actions or hold them responsible. They want you to question yourself, focus on your actions instead of theirs and to hold yourself responsible for everything. They do this by keeping you confused.

Here are some of the things crazymakers do:

• They deny what they are doing and instead accuse you of doing it.
• They prevent any meaningful discourse by defensively turning everything around by making you the problem.
• They blame you for everything but don’t give you any power to do anything.
• They use fear, guilt, power, and threats to manipulate and pressure you into doing what they want.
• They refuse to cooperate with you and undermine your attempts to fix the relationship or problem.
• They lie even when caught red-handed.
• They say one thing and do another.
• They twist your words while accusing you of twisting theirs.

The crazymaker’s purpose is to have the upper hand in the relationship by making you feel crazy. This keeps you from having any power in the relationship. As a result, you can’t confront issues, hold the person responsible, or get your needs met.

Here is how not to let a crazymaker make you crazy:

• Admit you are in a relationship with a crazymaker.
• Identify the tactics this person uses to make you crazy.
• Watch for the tactics so when they occur, you can refuse to let them work.
• Get validation from a trusted and safe person when you begin to doubt yourself.

It takes work to resist a crazymaker’s attempts to make you crazy, but it is far feeling crazy.