Divorce definitely assaults your self-image, self-worth, and self-esteem. Your self-image is the mental picture you have of who you are. Your self-worth is how much you value yourself compared to others. Your self-esteem includes how you value yourself but it also includes all the feelings you have about yourself. All of these are affected by a divorce because it is such a disruptive and life changing event. When you hold false beliefs about yourself, your self-image is based on lies. You need to identify the false beliefs you hold and replace them with true beliefs.

False Beliefs

At the root of your self-image are beliefs you hold about yourself and the world. Here are some false beliefs people hold about divorce:

•  I am nothing without being married.
•  God hates me.
•  I can’t live with people thinking things about me that aren’t true.
•  If my spouse thinks something about me, it must be true.
•  I can’t forgive myself.
•  I am a failure because my marriage is over.
•  My life is over.
•  Divorce proves I am worthless and worth less.

True Beliefs

You need to replace the false beliefs with these true beliefs:

•  I am still “me” even though I am not married.
•  God hates divorce because it hurts people; he doesn’t hate me, he cares that I am hurting.
•  I can’t do anything about the people who think things that aren’t true. I have to live with it and let it go. I don’t have to believe anything untrue about myself.
•  My ex-spouse will continue to hold his/her beliefs about me, my problems in the marriage, and why the marriage failed. If we could come to a consensus on this, we wouldn’t be divorcing! My ex-spouse has his/her own perspective and I have mine.
•  I will forgive myself by accepting I did the best I could and knowing that I deserve grace like everyone else.
•  My marriage failed. I haven’t failed as a person.
•  My married life is over—my new single life is just starting (with new possibilities I didn’t have while married.)
•  Being divorced doesn’t make me worthless as a human being nor does it make me worth less than married people.

Let go of your false beliefs and replace them with true beliefs. It will help you to have an accurate self-image and good self-worth and self-esteem which will enable you to meet the many challenges you have with strength and courage.